And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
two words...techno handjob
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
