I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
