I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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