i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
