woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize