Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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