We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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