I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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