Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
