If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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