And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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