It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
