I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
