I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize