I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
