What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
