Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
