i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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