i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The best revenge is premature balding
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
