I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
