I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Reggie can tackle my bush.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
