you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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