So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just invented taco cereal.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
