His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
