He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
