if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
