You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
