goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
