I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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