i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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