My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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