I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
