we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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