Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
