Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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