what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
