I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
