Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
