it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
