i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
