someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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