i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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