You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
