Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
