new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
