Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
