you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
