Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
