So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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