Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
