Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
