so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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