my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
