I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
