i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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