Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
