I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
