Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
