I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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