I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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