You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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