glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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