remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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