Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
