I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
