you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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